Happy Friday Fashionistas! It's excellent to be back after a nice, restorative vacation last week. Having been rested and refreshed properly, and practiced self-care like the gathered lady that I am, I am ready to get on my game and solve the problems of the world. In that spirit, I am going to compliment Bree's 7 Heavenly Fashion Trends for Fall 2013 with the converse: 7 Ungathered Fashion Trends to Avoid (in no particular order).
It is my opinion that in the absence of a highly organized and funded International Fashion Police agency, The Gathered Lady can make a "citizen's arrest" on the following list of faux pas. Not necessarily because these trends are ungathered in and of themselves, but because they are particularly difficult to pull off without looking like an ungathered poser. As in all things fashion, our advice is a guideline, but never an unbreakable rule. All instances of these trends being worn should be judged on a case by case basis. Just don't be surprised if people stop and point you get convicted of fashion crimes!
1. Socks and Sandals.
See? Makes NO difference what type of sandal you wear. Attempt at great risk of silent ridicule.This trend will never go away and is as old as time, and neither will the complaints from the visually victimized. And it doesn't matter what type of sandal you wear, or how young you are (unless you are in elementary school or something, and then your parents should be confronted). FYI, this was voted the worst fashion trend of 2013 in the UK this year. Apparently it's a plague over there. Let's stop the outbreak now folks and cancel this one. Leave this one on the runway and back away slowly.
2. Graphic Leggings.
^^What you think you look like. What you ACTUALLY look like.^^MMkay. I think the pic above says it all. Graphic leggings are a fashion trap of sorts. It seems like it's going to be a fun, dramatic statment piece, and then it morphs into this hard to match fashion challenge. Trust me, I fell for this one (but DID NOT leave my house!). Not to mention that if you're not a 2-dimensional airbrushed model photo and happen to be a human being, you will have to deal with the problem of 3-dimensional subcutaneous fat deposits -- aka muffin top, jelly rolls, cellulite, and baby back ribs. We advise caution here. Discretion is the better part of valor. Live to fight another day and stop scaring babies in strollers.
3. Overalls/Shortalls.
Every single person in this collage looks like they just wandered in out of the cabbage patch.This trends shows a disturbing zombie-esque ability to raise from the dead. As this one is a personal pet peeve of mine (I had a long overall phase in my fashion-challenged past), there is not enough bad to say about it. Don't do it. Unless you're headed to the Fall Harvest Festival in character as a rube. Even with heels and jewelry -- this is one that is impossible to dress up unless the overalls are made from a different material than the usual denim. This trend is for fashion virtuosos only -- and even then you could make the worst dressed list!
4. Power Clashing
You could easily look like a truant clown. Refrain. This trend is another trap, and it reminds me a lot of the pinterest paradox or the "easy" home improvement projects shown on HGTV. It all looks so easy... until you attempt to repeat said outcome! Even with detailed instructions, the power clash is a delicate balance best left to the runway and professional personalities unless you know what you're doing and there is an appropriate occasion to rock this one. (Hint: Work is never a good place for power clashing unless you want to power clash with a pink slip, especially if you interact clients or customers. Fashion and entertainment industry fashionistas are exempt from this rule, but should still use extreme caution.)
5. Pajamas, Rollers, Silky Caps, Slippers, and other Nonsense as Activewear
There are no words. Go to your home immediately. Fashionistas, as obvious as this one is, it's something that I have to deal with in this list becase far too many people out in the world are guilty of this. A little public shaming could go a long way here, if you ask me. I also find it unforgiveable that Hollywood sometimes plays around with this, which encourages the People of Walmart types that are more normally guilty of this. Shame on all of you! Go home and put on some shoes, brush/comb that hair, and put on some actual clothes. The world is not your living room! Groom thyself immediately!
6. Harem pants, Hammer pants, drop-crotch... oh my!
Who really looks good in these? I demand to know: who looks good in these? I'm of the opinion that they don't really flatter any body type. Also, for the skinny types that do get away with it, what do you do with all that extra space in the free poopy pouch included in the back? These confuse me, and I'm not the only one not dreaming of Jeannie with this damn pants. Use caution- these pick up right where gaucho pants left off! And I don't know about ya'll, but gaucho pants turned me from hottie to Horton-hears-a-who in 0.5 seconds flat. #sideeye
7. High-Wasted Denim Shorts
A denim gamble.I struggled with whether to list these. They can be fab, and often are... on the right body type. Unfortunately, my eyes do not deceive me that there is a plague of people not able to determine whether these shorts can be a part of a healthy balanced wardrobe. Being some retro combo of a stovepipe pant and a mini short makes them intriguing, but they bring the cons of those clothing items along with the pros. I see scores of women out there wearing ill-fitting, too-tight shorts that muffin up top, wedge in the bottom, and roll in between the thighs. These things will have you doing that yank 'em dance every time ya'll! Look before you leap! Prefereably in the mirror with a dose of reality.
Well there you are. Practice caution with all of these trends, and you can't fail to be a gathered lady. And tell your friends!
Are there any ungathered trends we've missed? Email or facebook us and share them!
Danni | Posted on 
